Supporting a friend through divorce/co-parenting can be a sensitive topic, and one that truly never ends if kids are involved. I’ve reflected a lot on what has been helpful/destructive (and continues to be frustrating/lonely) through this process and wanted to share 3 tips that might help you support someone that might be going through a divorce.
1. Just Listen
The last thing someone in this position wants is to hear what they “SHOULD” do (esp from someone who hasn’t experienced it) when they are so lost and confused, just let them talk and listen and affirm their feelings without sharing yours.
2. Ask a Positive Question
This season is full of negative emotions, so asking “how its going” isn’t super helpful when the instant reaction is likely not positive so by asking them, what is going well, what they are proud of, and any question that is about a positive is more helpful to help them see the good that is around them.
3. Ask, Don't Assume
Ask what they prefer to be included/excluded from to protect THEIR feelings, vs what you assume they would want. It might seem they would feel like the 5th wheel being invited somewhere, but really what they might need is to feel included, spouse or not…everyone is different, so just ask!
And even if you HAVE walked that same path, no 2 paths are the same (especially the way people choose to co-parent, etc) so by listening to what feels right for them and their family, or letting them tell you what hurts them and just being a safe place to go, judgement and opinion free is the best medicine I’ve received in this journey.
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