We recently interviewed Kendra Olson, MSW, LICSW, PMH-C, Owner of Psychotherapy for Maternal Well-Being on multiple platforms, covering multiple topics.
We first started with the Myths of Motherhood on the Mom2Mom Podcast, and then did a fun and interactive Instagram Live on the Misconceptions of Perinatal Mood Disorders. We have summarized both of these conversations below, as well as linked you to both interviews. Connect with Kendra directly on her website: pfmwellbeing.com.
Myths of Motherhood
I think most moms can relate the these myths, so I thank Kendra for talking about them and normalizing that we are not alone in these thoughts.
"It should come naturally."
There are a lot of influences that make us believe that the moment we become a mother, it should feel “natural”. Though this may be some people’s experience, it is not true for everyone. It can be helpful to remember that your relationship with your child is a new relationship and we can’t expect we know this little person the moment they enter the world. If we are a first-time mom, it is a new job and in turn means we have a lot of learning to do. Moms don’t often give themselves enough room to learn and make mistakes. It is important to trust that you have an instinct as a mom, and we can hold both trust in ourselves to “figure it out” and also embrace it is a learning process.
"I should be able to do it by myself."
Perhaps this myth is an off-shoot of “it should come naturally”-if we expect we know what too o, then we don’t need help. Being a mother and parent is the job we value the most, so this too increases our desire to be “top performers” when it comes to our job as mom. There is importance placed on individualism and perfectionism in may parenting schools-of-thought, which also contributes to this myth. Moms can also struggle with allowing others to help because we have a vision of how things should happen or be done; we can even thwart others’ attempts to help. it takes acknowledging our own needs are still important, and there is no way to meet them consistently if we don’t ask for help in parenting.
"I'm a bad mom."
I’d dare say that EVERY mom has this thought at last once, if not multiple times in the course of raising kids. WE seem to have a knack for blaming ourselves if our child is distressed or having a hard time, or we perceived some sort of “failure” on our part. I am a strong believer that EVERY mom is doing the best she can, even when she or others perceive some sort of inadequacy on her part. The belief “I’m a bad mom” is also rooted in unrealistically high expectations we place on moms. When we allow we are human and imperfect, and our kids are their own little people, we can instead focus on how we show up for our kids. There is always a chance for making a prepare when an emotional injury occurs in our relationship with our child.
"I should enjoy all parts of motherhood."
Dread doing art with your kids? Hate giving baths? Find yourself debating whether the outing to the indoor playground was worth it given the meltdown that happened afterwards? If you answered “yes” to any of these, I’d argue you are pretty normal. We might have an idealized notion we would enjoy all those things as well as every aspect of motherhood, but this is rarely true for most moms. WE tend to equate how much we enjoy motherhood to how much we love our kids-let’s agree these are two separate things. What would happen if we focused more of our energy on what we enjoy doing with our kids, and allowed we might delegate doing artwork to our partner or an aunt? Let’s remind ourselves others can meet our kids’ needs too.
Misconceptions of Perintal Mood Disorders
I am sure, just like Doula Support, there are many misconceptions when it comes to Perinatal Mood Disorders. Unfortunately our society is just now becoming comfortable with these conversations, but there is just still so much education needed around this topic. Kendra is on a mission to provide the public with this education and to debunk some common misconceptions.
Postpartum Depression (PPD) is the only Perinatal Mood Disorder
Often times, Postpartum Depression is the only known Perinatal Mood Disorder, or is the most familiar. However, there are many disorders with one of them being Postpartum Anxiety (PPA), which often gets missed.
Confusion over Postpartum Anxiety (PPA)
A big reason why PPA gets missed is because it’s hard for a mom to decipher the difference between normal motherhood worries and when it becomes so much that you can’t function. Often times there is a misconception that if you are a mom who worries often, that equates to being a good mom. An expert like Kendra can help you identify if your worries are within a normal range or not.
"If motherhood feels hard, I must be doing something wrong"
Motherhood is HARD, but sometimes social media or other outside sources can make us feel like we are struggling more than others. Please know that if motherhood feels hard for you, it’s because it is hard. It’s not a direct reflection of how good of a mother you are.
Perinatal Mood Disorders only affect one type of person.
This is a BIG misconception, especially because of the hormones that can play a role in our postpartum journey. Perinatal Mood Disorders can affect ANYONE. Yes, there are risk factors, however you can have a great support system, be prepped and prepared for your postpartum journey and still experience a Perinatal Mood Disorder. This just goes to show that they are outside of your control and should not feel like a direct reflection or that you are choosing this. You deserve support regardless of your situation.
You don't need experts to get help.
Usually with good intentions, we hear from moms who came before us, or often family members that you just have to “push through this journey”, or that “this too shall pass”, or that they too experienced these things but made it through. As a society we should want better for those who come after us. We now know better, and we know there are experts available for a reason. Reach out to an expert and get the help you deserve.
I hope these conversations have helped break down some barriers you may be facing on your motherhood journey. We are so lucky to have a resource like Kendra Olson, who is an expert in this field and has special training to support moms on their parenting journey.
Connect with Kendra today!
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